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Now That I'm Off Social Media, My Asshole Sparkles Like a Diamond


I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I deleted the apps for Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook last week, and let me tell you, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. You know why? Because I realized I was spending more time scrolling and liking than living, and also because as soon as I did, my asshole began to shine brighter than a diamond.