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Campus Recruiting

Dance, Monkey, Dance

By Your Campus Recruiter

Ah, recruiting season. I’ll let you all in on a little secret: this is my favorite time of the year. I know how much students hate recruiting season. But I’ll be honest, it’s just so much fun for a campus recruiter like me. Sure, I had to go through this song and dance once upon a time, but now I get to be the puppet master!

Pathetic Failure Proud of A-

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Area screwup Tiffany Park ’19 was reportedly seen smiling after demonstrating her utter worthlessness on her latest exam by receiving a 93. Park’s classmates were stunned by the complete fucking wretch’s ability to maintain a cheerful tone despite her inevitably bleak future.