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Fucking Loser Clicks “Yes” for Every Option on Doodle Poll

GREENOUGH - Without a single thing going on in his life that could possibly require his attendance, total fucking loser Troy Pollan has indicated that he is available for every possible time on the doodle poll he has filled out.

Preschool Teacher Blasts Students For Being Too Sensitive: “This is not college!”

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK–Miss Nicole of the Oklahoma Wesleyan Montessori School has come out strong against the politically correct culture prominent in Preschools across the nation.  “Listen up you precocious brats, just because Brian called Samantha a Poopy Head doesn’t mean he’s a misogynist piglet,” Miss Nicole reportedly told her class during snack time early Tuesday morning.  “You all need to get a thicker skin.” 

College Shuts off Water, Electricity Over Spring Break

Cambridge, MA-- In an effort to add to the savings accrued during HUDS’ spring break closing, Harvard financial officers have reportedly ordered the shutdown of all College utilities for the duration of the week.

Food Literacy Project: "In Today's World, A Potato Needs At Least A College Education"

Sandra Changas, President of the Food Literacy Project, spoke out Thursday against budget cuts targeting the FLP.

 “The Food Literacy Project has made great strides in educating produce, regardless of gender, creed, or color of peel.   And while crop-based literacy has been our foundation, it’s no longer enough: everyone knows that in today’s world, a potato needs at least a college education.”