In light of the recent controversy over the title of Housemaster, Satire V has compiled a list of titles we feel would more suitably capture the essence of the benevolent mastery from the leaders of the houses.

House Keeper

House Khan

House Duke

House Caliph

House Führer

Dr. House

House Hunters

House Overseer

House of Pain

Grand Imperial Wizard

Mom and Dad

Oh captain my captain

Safe-space-maker in chief

House buddy

Mini Faust

Plano, Texas- With Thanksgiving approaching, animal rights activists have gained new wind in attempting to curb animal cruelty, going so far as to infiltrate factory farms to obtain footage. Their reported findings are, allegedly, beyond belief.

 “It was just beyond belief,” began trembling lead activist Kyna Shepherd, “Turducken farms are FUCKED UP. You, like, would think that they make the turduckens after they kill the birds. No. No. No they don’t. Aw, I just feel dirty.”