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Area Asshole Sets World Record for Time Spent Filling Up Water Bottle

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a shocking turn of events, area asshole Devon R. Johnson '19 set a new world record of seven minutes and forty-six seconds on Tuesday for time spent filling up his 64oz Wide Mouth Hydro Flask water bottle at the water bottle filler in the Barker Center.

Making sure to fully appreciate every single ounce of water, Johnson ensured that his bottle was filled to the very top of its stainless steel lid, waiting for the stream of water from the filler that was slower than Johnson’s leisurely walks through the Yard.