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My Biggest Fear Is Mice and Also Liking Something from 2009 on My Crush’s Facebook Page

A woman sitting in front of a computer covers her face with her hands. She looks embarrassed.
Mice are God’s punishment for every lustful, greedy, messed-up thing that humans have ever done. I hate their beady eyes, their dirty whiskers, their disease-ridden fur, their incessant squeaks, and their residency in my vent in Kirkland.

But I would happily—gladly—invite an entire family of Stuart Littles to build a home in the floorboards of my dorm room if it meant that I would never accidentally like another post from 2009 on my crush’s Facebook page ever again.

Area Girl Uses ~Squigglies~ So Her Crush Will Think She’s ~Totally Laidback~

CAMBRIDGE, MASS.—Ellie R. Hampton ’18 has begun adding ~squigglies~ to her texts to her crush, giving her texts a ~cool vibe~ and indicating that she is ~not like the other girls~.

Last Monday, Hampton realized that the most effective way to give Carson T. Alberts ’18 the sense that she is ~totally laidback~ is to throw in entirely gratuitous ~squigglies~ whenever she texts him.