-- OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE, CAMBRIDGE, MA

Since the eagerly anticipated return of full residential life to campus this fall, many Harvard students have reported that the state of their dorm rooms violate multiple local Cambridge safety codes concerning black mold and bad taste. 

I see you coming up with your ID card ready, all excited for the cornucopia of delicious food we’ve prepared for you all. And I can see in your heart, you’re thinking “You know, I hope I’ll be able to eat here at Currier DHall tonight, even though I live in Leverett House.” Well let me tell you, here at Currier DHall we’re inclusive as fuck. Let me swipe that shit right through this machine and let you take your tray, young man.