An undergraduate investigative team lead by Satire V has made the surprising discovery that the Deans of Harvard College are not, as previously thought, homo sapiens, but, shockingly — beans. 

Refried Bean Khurana was quick to reassure students. “We won’t let this uproot our community. We will fry, fry again until we succ-seed in sprouting a stronger community.” 

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Harvard has announced sweeping changes to the structure of the dean system, including the creation of a new position, “Dean of Deans,” whose job is to provide better oversight and clarity about the role of deans. The responsibility of the new Dean of Deans will entail overseeing the deaning process, managing fundraising, and unilaterally appointing new deans weekly to the Board of Deans.