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Man Who Supported Mass Deportations, Authoritarianism Inspires Rich Liberals to Fight Mass Deportations, Authoritarianism

NEW YORK, NY--Still dominating Broadway over a year after opening, Hamilton: An American Musical has become a rallying point for the American Left. Starting with the cast's open letter to Mike Pence, the show has galvanized well-meaning white people in a way that would have horrified its fascistic protagonist.
 

Barron Trump, White House Butler Embark on First of Many Wacky Adventures

WASHINGTON – Barron Trump, son of President Donald Trump, and White House butler Reginald Yarmouth teamed up for an exciting adventure today.

“Master Barron, this is much too risky. When your father hears about this—” said Yarmouth before being cut off by the youngest Trump.

“Come on Reginald! Don’t you want to see what’s behind that secret door in the Lincoln bedroom? It will only take a couple seconds I swear!”

Thousands of Felines March in Pussies’ Catwalk on Washington

WASHINGTON — In a pawesome display of feline solidarity, thousands of cats marched this Saturday in the Pussies’ Catwalk on Washington, protesting the inclawguration of President Donald J. Rump.

Swarming the nation’s catitol in unprecedented numbers, felines of all shapes and sizes carried homemade signs as they pranced through the city—“A Pussy’s Place Is in the Mouse and the Senate,” “Don’t Grab Me By the Me,” “Only Scaredy-Cats Fear Pussies,” “We’ve Strayed Too Fur,” "The Future Is Feline."

9 Signs Your Democratically Elected President is Totally a Dictator

So your country has snagged itself a new democratically elected president. Congratulations! However, you’re worried that he might actually be a dictator. Uh oh! Here are nine foolproof ways to tell if your democratically elected president is actually an autocrat:

1) He’s stopped initiating press conferences. During the campaign, your democratically elected president was constantly initiating press conferences. Now he’s retreated to his luxury Manhattan apartment and only communicates with the press via Twitter. That sounds like a dictatorial dealbreaker!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Wins Pectoral College Vote

WASHINGTON — Earlier this morning, the Pectoral College declared Arnold Schwarzenegger the winner of its quadrennial “Bro-mander in Chief” award, given every four years to the best bodybuilder in America. The College, an illustrious body of 538 expert judges, had spent over a month weighing the decision carefully. Ultimately, the College concluded that Schwarzenegger had the strength and stamina necessary to become the leader of the free-weight world, citing his extensive experience in the House of Reps.

Mitt Romney Relieved He Might Still Be Hero in Future History Books

LA JOLLA, CA--Fading out of the public eye after press reports linked Rex Tillerson to the position of Secretary of State, 2012 presidential candidate and former Never Trumper Mitt Romney has announced his joy that future historians may, in fact, still view him as a hero.

 

"For a while there, after that whole dinner photo thing, I was seriously worried future generations might view me as another sellout," the former Massachusetts overnor who still could be respected by our descendants confirmed to reporters.

 

Miss Secretary of State Competition Enters Swimsuit Round

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ — Beneath a glittering wrecking ball outside the bankrupted Trump Taj Mahal on Saturday, the Miss Secretary of State Competition entered its second round: the swimsuit competition.

“Alright, ladies, go on to your dressing rooms and slip into those pretty little bikinis of yours,” the pageant’s host, Chris Christie, bellowed from the stage after contender Mitt Romney finished up the talent competition, in which he twirled a baton to the beat of “America the Beautiful.”

Musicals For Trump Supporters Boycotting Hamilton

Guys and Fat Pigs 
 
You're WRONG, Charlie Brown

Something Rotten and Rigged

Donald Trump Is Elected UC President in Stunning Repudiation of the Establishment

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Donald J. Trump was elected president of the Undergraduate Council on Friday in a stunning culmination of an explosive, populist and polarizing campaign that took relentless aim at the institutions and long-held ideals of Harvard College student government.

The surprise outcome, defying late polls that showed rival Hillary Clinton with a modest but persistent edge, threatened convulsions throughout campus and indeed the nation, where skeptics had watched with alarm as Mr. Trump’s unvarnished overtures to disillusioned students took hold.

LEAKED: Transcript of the Obama/Trump Meeting

Satire V acquired the following leaked transcript of Thursday’s meeting between President Barack Obama and President-elect Donald Trump:

 

DONALD TRUMP: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President. Really it’s quite an honor. I’m hoping we can work together during this time—

BARACK OBAMA: Yeah, yeah. Cut the shit. Listen, Donald—can I call you Donald?

DT: Oh, uh, I guess? Can I call you Barack?

BO: No. Listen, Donald, you better have a seat. (Lighting a cigarette) Want one?

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