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President Erdogan Seeks Advice From Theresa May On How To Consolidate Power

LONDON, UK — After Theresa May’s announcement to the British people that she will hold a snap general election in June 2017, sources indicate Turkish President Recep Erdogan has reached out to the British Prime Minister for guidance on how to more effectively consolidate his power and control over Turkey.
 

Enlightened Aficionado Refuses to Tip After Study Abroad

CAMBRIDGE, MA— Area savant Michael Goldberg returned Monday after what sources describe as a “transformative” summer abroad in England, Spain, and France. After two months of immersion in European art, literature, and language, Goldberg revealed that he would no longer subscribe to the barbaric American norm of tipping.