1) Start dating again! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and all you need to do is…all you need to do…is…

2) Look, Terry isn’t anything special. He doesn’t know how to make pecan pie that special way she likes it. He certainly doesn’t know how to DVR Property Brothers so she can watch it when she gets home from work! Terry is just an average guy, and there’s no way the relationship will last.

3) Okay, even if you concede that Terry is exceptional in some ways—the Olympic Silver medal in bobsledding, for instance—he’s prematurely balding! You still have a full head of hair and a killer sense of humor, and not too many guys can say that! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

4) And maybe she’ll come back! You had something unique, and even though it ended badly, you’ll always have the honeymoon at Sandals Resort in Jamaica! Remember when you ordered those colorful drinks with the little umbrellas and you were like, “Uh oh, looks like the forecast calls for…nothing but good times!” She laughed at that, if memory serves you right.

5) Hey, even if she does decide to stick with Terry, you really couldn’t ask for a better guy. Terry is a family man. He has a stable job, and he’s good with kids. You would ask Terry to pick you up from the airport, if you ever needed that sort of thing. You would let him watch your cat, or even your fish. At the end of the day, you can trust that Terry will be a stand-up guy and treat her well.

6) On second thought, you know what? Fuck Terry. Who does this guy think he think he is, going around pretending he’s the Second Coming? Anyone can be play with kids or watch a fish! That smug son of a bitch thinks he knows what’s best for her. Well I’ve got news for him: he doesn’t. She’s a fucking enigma! Good luck with that, Terry! She’s your problem now!

7) Okay, it’s about time to knock back a few Vicodin and watch Home Improvement re-runs. Guess who’s not going to work tomorrow!