SatireV

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BUY, BUY, BUY!

Satire V: Hey Jim, how are you today?
Cramer: Look the markets may be down, people are running for the exits, but I sense a turnaround is coming
real soon. There's always a bull market somewhere!
Satire V: But the Dow is down 400 points today and 40% from its highs"
Cramer: FUCK YEAH. I am going on the record to say now is the time to BUY, BUY, BUY! Don't be disheartened by the fact that your 401k is now worth 0k. I bought five five-irons from a garage sale last week off an ex-Lehman exec! They were cheap, real cheap.
Satire V: Ok" how are banks doing?
Cramer: I love banks. If a bank had a vagina, I'd bang it at least twice a day. Let me explain what's going on here. We got Paulson, Bernanke, and Co. dropping billions of dollars onto banks. If you want a piece of that $700 billion, buy financials. I threw a chair at my wife because she suggested I sell Morgan Stanley. Well, the bitch is dead and Morgan Stanley is up a point. B-B-B-BOOYYYYYAHHHH!
Satire V: How's your son doing? I understand he has a 5th birthday coming up"
Cramer: Listen I love the kid, but it's time to sell. I went to his T-Ball game yesterday. The kid couldn't even make contact with the freaking ball. Great kid, terrible ball player "" it's time to cut my losses and liquidate.
Satire V: Any parting advice for our readers?
Cramer: B-B-B-BOOYYYYYAH!
© 2008
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