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Carbon Dating Fossil Just Wants to Be Friends

Carbon and a dinosaur
“I only have this half-life after all, so there’s no use in sedimenting an unfavourable relationship that will continue to erode.”

CHICXULUB, MEXICO —  After eons of building up a reservoir of courage, Carbon came clean about her relationship with a fossil currently residing on the Yucatan Peninsula, and her suspicions that he takes her for granite.

In an exclusive interview, she confessed, “This relationship has really taken us out of our elements, but I’m just not feeling that binding attraction anymore.”

She plans to inform Fossil tomorrow evening that she wants to take the intensity down an energy level, and that she has been feeling too bound up with nothing to call her own.

“I can’t C14 him as husband material anymore, especially not after he forgot Valentine’s Day last year because he was in bed-rock with some floozy paleontologist!” Carbon enthused. “And then he has the audacity to call me Baeta the next day—now that’s one way to accelerate β decay in a relationship!”

Carbon’s sisters, C13 and C12, have suggested that Carbon take another crack at playing the electromagnetic field. They hope that she can realize how much potential she has in forming another soul-valent bond with one of the abundant Massculine isotopes out there.

According to the sisters, C14 is the most unstable in the family, and her relationship was “a complete Tyrannosaurus wreck” that would inevitably fall apart.

Feeling increasingly stable in her decision, Carbon reflected,  “I only have this half-life after all, so there’s no use in sedimenting an unfavourable relationship that will continue to erode.” 

When reached for comment, Fossil retaliated, “Oh you think Carbon hasn’t been getting around? She circulates throughout the entire goddamn ocean, and don’t get me started on that atmospheric cycle of hers.”

Refreshed by her breakup, Carbon has started a clean slate by accepting the shape of her electron shell and officially declaring that “Fossil is history!”

 

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