HARRISBURG DAYCARE CENTER – Area toddler Jimmy R. Conners reportedly dominated his daycare’s sharing-time session for the third time this week. Conners, who was brought into the world by Cesarean section and is unreasonably proud of that, continually interrupted his classmates during their show-and-tell presentations.

“He didn’t let me finish talking about my pet goldfish,” Adrianna W. Lin explained, moments before breaking into tears.

“Her analysis wasn’t nearly descriptive enough,” Conners defended. “I need numbers! I need details! I believe it was the great Theodor Geisel who once said, ‘One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.’ It is abundantly clear that she spent the first few seconds of her existence passing through a birth canal.”

Attempting to foster a healthier discussion environment, the class’s teacher Ms. Ellis spoke up. “Jimmy, everyone deserves a chance to speak. You can’t just cut in whenever you want to.”

Conners immediately pushed back, “Can we unpack that statement really quickly—much like how I was unpacked directly from my mother’s womb not too long ago? If I’m not mistaken, it was Cookie Monster who said, ‘If me want cookie, me eat cookie.’”

In addition to boasting about the circumstances of his birth, Conners also proudly sports the latest in microfashion, only recently graduating from wearing Baby Gap clothing. At press time, he was overheard mentioning to another student, “Ask me about my Gap years.”