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Enterprising Goat Launches WhenToBleat

Billy, an enterprising goat.

PASTURES OF SILICON VALLEY – Billy, an enterprising goat, has launched WhenToBleat, a scheduling tool that allows his brethren to determine mutually convenient times to emit nasally screeches.

“The sheep and the goats were wailing at totally different times,” Billy explained. “It was a hot-mutton issue on the farm—the cows were really bovine themselves.”

On WhenToBleat, farm animals mark down their schedules to coordinate moments when they can jointly bleat. Sheep are flocking to WhenToBleat to find communally agreeable hours to help humans fall asleep. Pigs are signing on to decide when they will finally fly.

WhenToBleat rammed through its first success on Thursday, when, at 5 p.m. on the dot, the sheep and the goats all started screaming in unison. Later that day, WhenToBleat secured a high-profile celebrity endorsement from that goat that bleats on the beat in the “I Knew You Were Trouble” remix on YouTube.

“I’m a big fan of WhenToBleat,” opined Little Bo Peep, of losing-her-sheep fame. “Those sheep think they can pull the wool over my eyes, but it’s a lot easier to find them when they’re all releasing ear-splitting shrieks at once.”

At press time, Billy was developing a new photo-sharing website called Instalamb.

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