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How to Venmo Request Your Boyfriend for All of Your Unpaid Emotional Labor

A Venmo request for $500 addressed to "My Boyfriend" for "Educating you."
Get paid for your emotional labor in just 5 easy steps!

Everyone knows that relationships are a lot of work. You have to plan all of your dates, initiate all relationship conversations, and attend to all your partner’s emotional needs … all while staying completely grateful! In fact, relationships can take up so much energy that they become like second jobs. 

Here’s how demand proper compensation by Venmo requesting your boyfriend for all of your unpaid emotional labor: 

1) Open up your Venmo app

Opening up is something that your boyfriend, Josh, rarely does, which is why instead of having honest, candid conversations about your relationship, you constantly have to figure out why he’s suddenly in a pissy mood. If Venmo doesn’t work, shut down and restart — unfortunately, if you try that with Josh, he’ll complain that you’re “always upset.”

2) Select his name

You should be extremely familiar with it, since you mention it every time you explain to your friends why you don’t have time to hang out. “Josh is stressed trying to decide whether he should take the internship at Google or Facebook.” “Josh is insecure because his Creative Writing professor was critical of his essay.” But when you mention to Josh that you got nominated for the Rhodes scholarship, he only responds with a (y) on Facebook Messenger. 

3) Choose an amount

Be generous — way more generous than Josh is in bed. This will compensate for all of the time you’ve had to spend reassuring him that his penis is larger than average when you could have been using all of that time to achieve orgasm. 

4) Include a message

Keep it succinct! You may want to say “this is for the time you were ‘too busy’ to buy chocolates for me on Valentines Day, even though I planned our entire weekend including a movie, a romantic dinner, and a trip to the observatory.” But knowing him, he’ll only listen to you for two seconds before he gets distracted by his own feelings and concerns. Try going with a cute emoji, like an upside down sad face — the message is still more direct than anything Josh has ever texted you. 

5) Hit request

Congrats, you did it! Now your earnings can be put towards a three-day vacation with your friends — or your next relationship with the car-less Eric, who will make you drive him around and never once offer to pitch in for gas.

Example charges:

$690: for the time he told you your Type I Diabetes was too much for him to handle, then complained to you for a day about his sore pinky 

$47: for the seven times he’s responded “I don’t know hun, you pick” when you ask him where he wants to go to dinner, then grumbled when you chose the wrong Indian place

$348: for taking up way too much space and not letting you talk, then wondering why you’re so irritated when he’s “just trying to have a conversation”

$155: for making you teach him about women's issues when he could literally Google it on his iPad

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