From the remote island location of her latest photo shoot, Alessandra Lombardi took time from being rubbed down with the finest coconut oil to assure her fans and followers that she was in no way, shape, or form popular during high school.

"Are you kidding me? I was the biggest loser in school," she laughed, tossing back a mane of long, shiny hair. "Just try having a silky peaches-and-cream complexion when everyone else is suffering from cystic acne. You're the outcast."

Lombardi attended only ninth grade, having left school after being discovered by an agent while measuring the symmetry of her reflection in the window of a McDonald's. Still, that year was "the worst year of [her] life."

A photo uncovered from Lombardi's high school days reveals that she looked pretty much exactly the same as she does now, seemingly having skipped any sort of awkward phase. "But what good is that when you have no friends? The girls hated me because all the boys liked me, the boys hated me because I cheated on them with all the 50-year-old agency owners. It just wasn't fair."

Lombardi concluded the interview by talking about what a tomboy she is, how she would never try drugs, and how much she loves to eat junk food.