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Point/Counterpoint: Marijuana Should Not vs. Should Be Legalized

U.S. Attorney General and Harvard's Dean of Freshmen Thomas A. "Tommy D" Dingman battle it out over weed legalization.

Point: Marijuana Should Not Be legalized 
By Jeff Sessions

There is a growing epidemic in this great nation. Several states have legalized recreational marijuana. This is a grave mistake. Wherever drugs go, crime follows. Soon you’ll see violence rise across the nation as a result of this deadly drug.  

What sort of message will we send to our kids if every corner store will be selling pot brownies? We must also remember how harmful the marijuana industry is to our nation. If we legalize marijuana, we will only be hurting hard-working Americans in the struggling tobacco industry.

Above all, I ask to all those so foolishly hell-bent on the legalization of marijuana: why have you forsaken God?

Jeff Sessions is Attorney General of the United States.

 
Counterpoint: Marijuana Should Be Legalized For Medicinal Purposes
By Thomas A. Dingman
 
With research increasingly reaching a consensus that marijuana use is less dangerous than tobacco and alcohol as well as effective pain-relief, it has become obvious that federal policy towards the use of medicinal marijuana must change. But perhaps more importantly, ya boi has a shitload of chronic and I'm sick of smoking it in my basement.
 
Particularly problematic is the fact that my boy Skeech's parents retired to Sarasota, so he needs to find a new place and just jacked up his rates. Between that and the amount of Double Diesel I've been re-selling to those PSK bitches, I need a dispensary where I can buy in bulk.
 
Basically, the way I see it is this: all I do is go to Barreira, tell him my back hurts or some shit, and then it's carte fucking blanche to take a ride on the Pineapple Skunk express. No more sitting around Cambridge Common with that serial killer who always makes me share. No more rowing my flamingo-shaped pool raft out to that part of the Charles that counts as international waters. Just good ol' Tommy D, some White Fire OG, and a Harvard Salient back issue for rolling paper.
 
Call the fire marshall, bitches, 'cuz Tommy D's about to be blazin'.
 
Thomas A. "Tommy D" Dingman '67 is Dean of Phresh at Harvard University. All opinions expressed in this column are his own.

© 2017
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