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Feminist Win: We Wanted to Show These Men What Period Cramps Feel Like, But We Couldn’t Figure Out How, So Instead We Broke Their Kneecaps and Called It Even

Woman with two thumbs up
Ladies, it’s no secret that period cramps suck. No matter how woke your boyfriend may seem, he will never truly understand the pain that we women have to face every single month. 

That is, until now! (Depending on how you define and equate pain!)

You heard right! We put our heads together, batted around some ideas, and showed a few men more or less what period cramps feel like by breaking their kneecaps with a crowbar. Feminist win!

Where Are They Now? (My Keys)

Woman Looking for Keys
Have you been wondering just where your keys ended up since you last saw them? Are they wildly more attractive than the last time you saw them? Did they get a lot rustier? Have they done, like, anything in the meantime?
 
My keys have been absent from my life for the past six hours. I've been unable to leave my home. Where are they now?
 
1. The bedside table? 
Nope, not there.

2. The kitchen? 
I did have them when I grabbed a drink from the fridge...but they’re not there. 

3. The car? 

Who Said It: Lil Pump or a Gas Station Pump?

A picture of the musician Lil Pump and a gas pump

Lil Pump, born Gazzy Garcia, is the voice of our generation. A gas station pump is a machine at a filling station that is used to pump gasoline, petrol, diesel, or other types of fuel into vehicles. Take this quiz and figure out who said each!

Researchers Find Best Time to Post a Profile Picture Is Never Because You Are Ugly

Scientist

After two years of social media statistical analysis, scientists at the General Research Organization for Social Science (GROSS) have determined that the most effective time to post a profile picture on Facebook is never because you are ugly.  

Alright, Nerds: Take This Harry Potter Quiz Full of Nonsense Fairy Words and Shut Up

The Hogwarts Coat of Arms
Listen up, geeks. We know you grown-ass doofuses love Harry Potter, so we threw together this personality quiz full of gibberish. Take it and shut up.
 
1) What's your favorite Hogwarts house? (People really have favorites, don't they?)
 
A) Babadook
B) Gobbledegook
C) Snufflestuff
D) Who gives a shit?
 

Uh Oh 'Shape of Water' Fans: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Just Reminded Everyone that Water Actually Takes the Shape of its Container

Side-by-side: The Shape of Water poster and a photo of Neil DeGrasse Tyson
It looks like fans of the surprise Academy Award favorite The Shape of Water have been put in their place! Famous scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson just reminded everyone that, like all liquids, water can only take the shape of its container.
 
Uh oh. What do you say to that, Oscar-nominated director of The Shape of Water Guillermo Del Toro?
 

Urban Outfitters Debuts “Emotionally Distant Father Jeans”

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Citing the popularity of "mom jeans" and "boyfriend jeans," clothing stores around the country will soon begin selling "emotionally distant father jeans." The new style is one of several available for women who can't seem to wear their own fucking denim.

Previewed at select Urban Outfitters locations this month, the "emotionally distant father" jeans are stiff and utilitarian, with a raw underside. Their tough exterior is supposedly immune to stains, bad weather, and pleas to come to your middle school piano recital because they “didn't attend last year.”

Inspirational! This Thin, Tall, Gorgeous White Woman Is Sharing How She Found Body Confidence

A blond white woman on a magazine cover.

What an inspiration! Amanda Janson—a thin, tall, gorgeous white woman—graced the cover of Self magazine this month to share all her foolproof tips for finding body confidence. Spoiler alert: you might want to consider being born with attributes that society deems attractive!

5 Moves Guaranteed to Blow Her Mind that Are All CONSENT

A woman and a check mark that says yes
 
Concerned about your BLAH, mediocre performance? Worried that YOUR woman is bored in bed? 
 
Give your woman the type of mind-blowing sex she craves. Here are five easy steps guaranteed to light her fire that are all CONSENT: 
 
1. Dirty Talk 
 

I Already Saw That Meme

By your internet-savvy friend
 
I see you just sent me a meme. I suspect you thought it would impress me or even elicit laughter.
 
You fool.
 
You cannot even begin to understand the scope of my internet knowledge. My meme repertoire is overflowing, and you think I am going to laugh at some grainy photo with a caption that you found on Facebook? Please, afford me the respect I have earned.

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