When I first sat down to interview Ziggy Crabtree, I was in total fangirl mode. Many are heralding Mr. Crabtree’s genius and somewhat unconventional combinations of random nouns as the real future of product development. Ideas such as: “cats, but with cell phones” are making industry leaders feverish with the idea of such innovation.
In place of the modest two-piece, the Church of Latter-Day Saints now offers a wide array of red, hot-pink, and leather thongs, ass-less chaps, and more. The Mormon community is buzzing about this exciting change.
“I can’t wait to throw on a Jeee-sus string,” said grinning former-presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “It will only be More-man on display,” he chuckled, “But really, it turns me on.”
Even Glenn Beck showed some excitement at the news.
“It’s just so liberating,” he said, sporting a fluffy pink brassiere. “I’ve never felt so giddy.”
On Thursday, at approximately 3:45 pm, Steve Windgate, age 9, returned home from school with a bloody nose and clothes covered in dirt. Mrs. Windgate, a Women and Gender Studies professor at nearby Galbraith College, immediately rushed to her son to find out what had happened.
“I got in a fight with some kids at school.”
Mr. Windgate, ponytail possessor and proprietor of local organic food store ‘Native Sigh’, demanded an explanation for the boy’s behavior.
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Charles Carroll High School teacher Lynette Gaymon is in trouble again this week after aggressively criticizing 6th grader Shaun Welch for wearing a pair of cargo pants to class.
Gaymon allegedly told the 11-year-old Welch that he “looked like he got dressed inside a darkened Old Navy” and that she “wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry” when the boy defended himself by referring to the pants as “comfy.”
Monday evening for the 3,491st week in a row the Horse Parliament failed to pass any legislation. After days of frantic negotiation in preparation for Monday’s vote, many had high hopes but at the end of the day, every piece of legislation proposed was voted down by a margin of 100 “Nays.” For whatever reason, the horse MPs were unanimous in their disapproval. The news is sure to stirrup emotions, especially among those chomping at the bit to overturn the ruling party.
Darth Vader, a senior figure in the government of the Intergalactic Empire, has been arrested while holidaying on the French Riviera for violating France’s ban on wearing the burqa in public spaces.
France’s government has refused to release Mr. Vader, stating that the law applied equally to all, and placed him in a high-security cell after he attempted to use Jedi mind tricks to try and convince the prison guards to release him.