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What’s This, Your Fifth Burrito This Week?

Cashier

By an El Jefe’s Cashier

Well, well, well. Look who’s back. Here you come, marching over to me, smiling like we’ve never met before, and—oh, what’s that you’re saying? You want to buy a burrito? Surprise sur-fucking-prise. What’s this, your fifth burrito this week?

Area Man Doesn't Win Nobel Prize, Disappointing Mom Again

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a move anticipated by the scientific community, local student Aidan Smith once again failed to win any of the Nobel prizes awarded in Stockholm last week, the latest in a series of disappointments for his mother. Despite being raised perfectly well, Aidan also has not received any Nobel prizes in any of the past several years, a trend of mediocrity that dates back to 1995, the year of his birth.