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Feminism

Sexism Creates Unfair Beauty Standards for Women, But Also I Pay $30 a Month to Have My Eyebrows Ripped Out of My Face

As a feminist, I ardently believe that society has set up toxic, misogynistic beauty standards for women. Expectations that women must look a certain way or dress a certain way are grossly sexist and blatantly patriarchal.

On the other hand, I pay a middle-aged woman named Kelly $15 every other week to violently rip the stray hairs surrounding my eyebrows out of my face.

Area Man Disappointed to Discover Lies Feminist Tell Event Isn't Just List of Times Women Have Told Him They're Not Interested

Local man Matthew Jackson, 22, was reportedly disappointed to discover “Lies Feminists Tell” event was not just a list of all the times women have told him they’re not interested.

When he originally heard of the event, he decided that the title alone was enough to pique his interest. “I’ve always known these so-called feminists weren’t telling me the whole truth,” he disclosed. “Now I can finally get proof that when Emma said she ‘just didn’t see me in a romantic way,’ and ‘was too busy with classes to look for anything serious’ she was just lying through her damn teeth.”

Area Pear Woman-Shaped

A pear in a skirt.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — After reading through the latest issue of InStyle magazine, a local pear has definitely determined that she is woman-shaped. After flipping through several pages detailing the styles and cuts that best flatter a woman-shaped body, the pear edited her wardrobe accordingly. 
 

Feminist Win! Hasty Pudding to Let Woman of the Year Operate Lights at Man of the Year Ceremony

A lighting structure.

Talk about progress! Today the all-male Hasty Pudding, the nation's oldest theater company, announced that it will let next year's Woman of the Year operate the lights during its annual Man of the Year ceremony.

Now that's a WIN! Am I right, ladies?

Hasty Pudding Diversifies Production with First-Ever Animal Cast Members

A tiger in Farkas Hall.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – On Saturday, the executive board members of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals officially announced their decision to allow animals to audition for this year’s production of “Noah’s (F)Ark(as).”

First Interplanetary Female Astronaut Returns from Jupiter 30% More Stupider

HOUSTON, TX -- After returning from a three-year exploratory mission to Jupiter, female astronaut Susan Hannawalt was found to be approximately 30% more stupider. NASA Director Charlie Bolden said in a statement, “We really have no idea what’s causing this, although we’ve sent off blood samples to be tested at Rice College, in order to get more knowledge.” Hannawalt, who has two PhDs, in Astrophysics and Engineering, reportedly dismissed those administering her aptitude test by declaring, “neener neener neener, you guys are all wieners.”