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Final paper

Entire History of Race and Gender in the United States Covered in 4-5 Page Final Paper

Lauren E. Parsons ’19 reportedly summed up the entire history of race and gender in the United States in a 4-5 page final paper for her USW class on Monday. Even though she banged out her essay in a night, Parsons apparently managed to contextualize slavery, the Civil War, Reconstruction, female suffrage, women’s roles in World War II, the Civil Rights era, all three waves of feminist thought, police brutality, and the 2016 election in just under 2,000 words.

Scientist Discovers Rare Breed of Undergrad in Depths of Lamont

Cambridge, MA—While collecting books for zoological research, Harvard Professor Brian Farrell made a groundbreaking and serendipitous discovery just one short mile from his research lab at Harvard University.

“I stopped in one of the undergraduate libraries,” began Farrell, “to pick up a book unavailable in Widener. As I made my way into the restricted C-level stacks, I noticed a sobbing sound unlike any on record since the extinction of Hopefullia freshmanus during fall midterms.”