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What, Are These Not Autumnal Enough For You?

Look, here are some pears. I picked them up at the grocery store yesterday, and...and...hold on. What's the matter?
 
What, are these not autumnal enough for you?
 
Oh, I see. They're just pears, right? I'll have you know that Bosc and Comice pears are in season from fall through winter, so that sounds pretty goddamn autumnal to me.
 
Yeah, I could have gotten some pumpkins. Maybe even some fresh-picked apples. But I bought the damn pears and I'm sticking with them on principle.
 

Low-Hanging Fruit: Crimson Staff Writer Comes up with Perfect Berry Pun for Brain Break Article

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Last night, at approximately 1:30 AM EST, Billy P. Yates ’19 was frantically searching for the cherry of a headline to top off his Brain Break article. Thrilled to report on the seedy UC berry debate, his Adam’s apple quivered as he struggled to pick a sweet berry pun. 
 
"This is the last straw," the writer rasped. "I'd fight for this newspaper till I was black and blue, but trying to find a pun is boysening the article.”