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Woman Angry at Dipshit Boyfriend Who Won’t Oh Wait Just Kidding He Replied To Her Text

Woman staring at phone angrily

LOS ANGELES — As Kelly Lawson ferociously gulped down heaping spoonfuls of ice cream in a fit of blind feminine rage, her bitter diatribe about the heartlessness of men abruptly came to a halt Thursday night when her boyfriend finally replied to her carefully drafted text, causing her to immediately vindicate all faults of the male population that she had just painstakingly detailed for the past 12 minutes.

Area Freshman Writes "Get a Girlfriend" Really Small on Semester To-Do List

CAMBRIDGE, MA – After meeting with his Freshman Academic Advisor who told him that goal-setting was a great way to keep track of things that are important for personal success, area freshman Andrew Carlson '20 wrote "get a girlfriend" in very small print on his semester to-do list. After careful consideration, he chose to make the almost incomprehensible etchings just big enough that he would remember to do it, but small enough that nobody would notice it if his notebook fell out of his backpack or if he opened it to the wrong page in class.