Cambridge, MA – Harvard professor and conservative economist N. Gregory Mankiw announced via his blog, Greg Mankiw’s Blog, that he will be enrolling in Expos 40: Public Speaking Practicum to overcome his fear of public speaking.

Throughout decades of serving as course head for Economics 10a and 10b, students frequently reported that Mankiw could not deliver an entire lecture without fleeing the stage in distress, forcing a guest lecturer to speak in his place.

CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a controversial statement issued to the Harvard community last night over email, Dean of Administration Leslie Kirwan outlined that, despite an imminent 8-12 percent increase in faculty and administrators pondering the terrifying meaninglessness of life, the university will continue operations as usual.

“As always, the safety of our students, faculty, and staff is paramount,” wrote Kirwan. “I mean, I think so. I don’t know. We’re all going to die anyway.”

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff of Harvard University, Executive Vice President Katie Lapp is currently trapped under a pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks.

Look, I’m no economics concentrator, okay? I didn’t come to Harvard to become some soulless money-driven corporate drone. I only took Ec10 because during shopping week I just went to the classes all the other freshmen went to.