GRAYS HALL — Today, five Harvard freshmen roommates breathed a collective sigh of relief upon realizing they could stop pretending they had read David Foster Wallace’s hallmark novel, Infinite Jest.

Each had a copy of the 1,000+ page behemoth prominently placed on their bookshelves, and made sure it was protruding slightly more than the other books. Confiding in each other, the five boys put their copies in storage and retrieved other IJ-related materials.

While doing so, each shamefully compiled their printed SparkNotes they had studied to impress their roommates and professors. One student, Matthew Hartsgold ‘20, even had a BuzzFeed page stuffed in his desk titled “How to Pretend You’ve Read Infinite Jest.” The other four students have already forgiven each other, but Hartsgold is reportedly left with some work to do.

Setting some ground rules, they agreed to stop referring to Wallace, the author, as “DFW.” Hartsgold took down his life-size poster of Wallace. All roommates consented to stop talking about how disgraceful of a job Jason Segel did in playing Wallace in the 2015 blockbuster biopic. Each was relieved to have such a terrible burden off their chest.

At press time, sources indicate that while no one was looking, Hartsgold surreptitiously replaced his copy of Infinite Jest with James Joyce's Ulysses.