CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Several local fruits have expressed excitement about the fruit bar that reopened in Annenberg hall last Tuesday. A banana, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that he has plans to check it out with a bunch of his friends this coming weekend. “I’ll admit, I’m a little green about fruit culture, but my friends kept softening me up until I had to go.”

The fruit bar’s very existence has already shaken up the produce aisle. Following weeks of speculation, Cherry Tomato and Plum Tomato have both admitted that they are, in fact, fruits. It has been suggested that Beefsteak Tomato is also a fruit, but when, our reporters asked Beefsteak, he vehemently denied the rumors. “Do I look like a fruit to you!?” he yelled, when pressed for more details. 

Some more conservative produce have raised concerns over the happenings in the bar. “You hear about the most sinful happenings, melon balls all over the place, all sorts of fruits just wantonly spilling their seeds,” said Ms. Lettuce. “And the objectification is really shameful! It’s always ‘I was with a really long cucumber last week,’ or ‘You wouldn’t believe how much milk spilled out of this coconut I opened last week.’"

Despite Lettuce’s disapproval, it appears that the fruit bar will only continue to gain popularity with fruits and fruit flies alike.