United States Vice President Joe Biden announced plans to visit longtime friend and self-anointed “Dean of Fresh” Thomas A. Dingman ’67 this Thursday, adding that he would also address students beforehand with remarks at the Institute of Politics.

“Can’t wait to see Tommy D again, even if it means having to say some shit about foreign policy at the IOP,” Biden told reporters.

Biden’s visit comes as a surprise to many, as he has not returned to Cambridge since attending a 2006 Fourth of July party at Dingman’s residence and that weekend was banned from several area establishments, including Schoenhof’s Foreign Books, Harvard University Health Services, the Signet Society, Quincy Grille, and the Hong Kong Restaurant.

“It was a bit of a challenge to clear his visit with Securitas, but ultimately everyone agreed that Joe could come back to Harvard if he would just make some remarks on foreign policy at the IOP,” Dingman admitted.

“What those remarks will actually entail is anyone’s guess, so I’m told they’re going to put his microphone on a five-second delay,” he added.

Biden emphasized to reporters gathered at the White House Press Room that he “didn’t give a Delphic basement rat’s ass” about allegations that he had scheduled his visit only to coincide with the Thursday night dinner of Dingman’s former club. 

“What the Dingmeister and I do after visiting the Initiative for Politicians or whatever I’m speaking at is nobody’s business, but I’ll tell you this much: I’ve still got something on my honorary Harvard bucket list, so if any of those Kennedy School ladies want to do some research on vice-presidential power, they can meet me in Widener study carrel 4-West 16.”

At press time, reports from Cambridge have confirmed that Dean Dingman has ordered his calendar for Friday morning to be cleared of all appointments.