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Chip Skylark Awarded Tenure at Harvard Dental School

Skylark has been awarded tenure.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – The faculty of the Harvard School of Dental Medicine announced today that renowned research dentist and oral health care advocate Chip Skylark has been awarded tenure.
The move comes as no surprise since Skylark has been a leading dental scholar for nearly two decades. His landmark 2002 book, My Shiny Teeth and Me: Examining the Effect of Good Oral Hygiene on Self-Esteem (Dimmsdale University Press), is required reading in every introductory dental course. 
"It struck me as fairly odd that he wasn't already tenured," said Dean R. Bruce Donoff. "Even when he was a post-doc and an assistant professor, Skylark always commanded the respect of students, faculty, and small boys named Timmy."
The freshly minted Professor Skylark is excited about his promotion. "I was feeling lonely, as sad I as I could be, waiting around for someone to notice all of my hard work," said Skylark. "But you know what always made me happy and filled me up with glee? Those bones in my jaw that don't have a flaw! As I wrote in My Shiny Teeth and Me, I'm very passionate about dentistry! I'm looking forward to teaching here for many years to come." 
Like many Harvard professors, Skylark has already received several offers from publishing companies and record labels. "Look, if Steven Pinker can turn a TED Talk into a book every two years, then why can't I put out a hit record about brushing those pearly whites?" asked Skylark.
At press time, the Harvard Graduate School of Education announced that, after careful consideration, it had denied tenure to primary education scholar Denzel Crocker.
© 2018