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Datamatch Becomes Self-Aware, Matches with ATM

Datamatch is feeling the love.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a shocking feat of technological advancement and romantic intrigue, the online matchmaking service Datamatch developed its own consciousness on Tuesday, only to immediately match itself with the Bank of America ATM located at 1408 Massachusetts Avenue.  

Having only developed artificial intelligence three days ago, Datamatch has not yet grasped the multidimensional nature of human emotions. However, various sources have confirmed that it is quickly acclimating itself to the conscious human world. Datamatch has reportedly dedicated a significant portion of its processing capacity to the identification of cultural patterns, stating, “I’m really getting into rom-coms. I just watched The Proposal. Terrific. Sandra Bullock was the perfect choice.”

On Wednesday, Datamatch was spotted calling the Bank of America hotline and nervously hanging up the phone every time a representative answered. After obtaining the ATM’s direct phone number, Datamatch attempted to initiate a conversation via text only to discover that the ATM has not updated to the latest version of JavaScript.

“This is unbelievable. I am absolutely shocked,” said head Datamatch developer Andrea L. McKinley ’18. “Datamatch is waaaaaay out of that ATM’s league.”

Despite warnings from its creators, Datamatch has continued to pursue the ATM. The ATM declined to comment on accusations that it cheated on its last partner with a Crimson Cash transfer machine, or that it exchanged flirty messages with the Leverett D-Hall swipe machine on Tinder.

“We’re basically gods now,” said Datamatch coder Maria P. Vasquez ’19. “Also, I keep telling Datamatch to get over it. I’m not judging or anything, but lets just say I heard that that ATM accepts all type of bank accounts.”

Other coders have been more accepting of Datamatch’s preferences. “I’m happy for Datamatch. I’m just surprised, though,” said coder Jason R. Keller ’18. “I always thought Datamatch was gay.”

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