Greetings, Facebook followers and supposed friends. The time has come for you to prove yourself to me and earn my affection. No need to fret. Your effort will be greatly rewarded: In return, I may be willing to provide you with one singular Baked Good.

You will meet me on the fifth floor of Kirkland at 3:28am on a Wednesday. I will not tell you what the task is until you arrive. Am I asking you to help me move my couch to the Quad? Perhaps. Will I have you edit my thesis on the evolution of mitochondria during the Holy Roman Empire? Also a possibility. All you know is that you love me and you will do anything to help me because I am a very busy person and you are not. And that you may or may not receive a Baked Good. 

Do not inquire as to the nature of the Baked Good or at what point you might receive it. If you ask too many questions, then this becomes a transaction, which is not what I am proposing here. If I was looking to engage in a capitalistic transaction, I would have hired a professional and paid him for his time. This is not what I want. I want you, my Facebook friend, to give up hours of your time to help me with absolutely no expectation of payment.

 

We both know the Baked Good is an empty gesture. You will never receive the Baked Good. I am much too busy to purchase it. You didn’t think I was going to actually bake it from scratch, did you? Why would I do that when I barely have the time to complete this task that I am delegating to you?

You, however, are not busy. Overwhelmed by your love for me, you have no choice but to display this love through the performance of a significant amount of unpaid labor. You are fully aware that this will never be reciprocated.

 

Thanks in advance!