SatireV

Breaking News

Your blocking group

Does This Really Surprise You?

Seriously, does this shit even surprise you anymore?

By the Delphic Club

The Delphic Club was saddened to hear that news broke this morning that graduate members of the Delphic had hired strippers for a punch event in October 2010. We deeply regret that the story has circulated around campus, hitting number one on The Crimson’s most read list.

On behalf of all of us at the Delphic, we sincerely apologize to those we have offended. We want to stress that these actions do not reflect our values as an institution and ditto everything the men’s soccer team said in their apology. But more importantly, we want to ask: Seriously, does this shit even surprise you anymore?

We at the Delphic pride ourselves on consistency. We follow a set of 147 Delphic maxims, including "know thyself," "stay gassy," and "FUCCKKKK BITCHESSS." The Delphic Club regrets this incident. The fact that we hired only two strippers is unacceptable. It should not have happened then, and it would not happen today. The Delphic Club tries to integrate women into our activities whenever possible, and we should have hired more than two to really do our part. 

Also, we would like to apologize in advance for any news you hear about "double-enders." You probably shouldn't Google it.

© 2017
Category: