SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Faust: World Time to End in 2019

Our inevitable doom draws near

Dear Members of the Harvard Community,

 

The clock is ticking. For time, that is.

As I am sure you are aware by now, the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences will complete its move to Allston by 2020. In accordance with the second law of thermodynamics, the Office of Career Services will reach New York by 2035, Farkas Hall will exit the Laniakea Supercluster by 3010, and the particles of the Lamont Media Room will be strewn across the Hubble Deep Field by 8100. In anticipation of this campus growth, however, time itself will have to end first.

With the departure of restaurants like Panera, Yenching, and Au Bon Pain from our fleshly realm, we must be prepared to blissfully succumb to the whirling blackness of eternal oblivion and casual decay. If I were a slave to ideology, I would urge you to celebrate your humanity and reflect on how you can live most meaningfully before time comes to an end. But the world is nothing but a mechanical chaos of casual, brute enmity, and I’m afraid we have no choice but to embrace the hostility and murder of our universe.

In the words of C.S. Lewis, “all life will turn out in the end to have been a transitory and senseless contortion upon the idiotic face of infinite matter.” So keep on showing up seven minutes late to everything. It will all run down into a uniform infinity of homogeneous matter at a low temperature soon enough.

 

Sincerely,

Drew Faust

© 2016
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