GREENOUGH - Without a single thing going on in his life that could possibly require his attendance, total fucking loser Troy Pollan has indicated that he is available for every possible time on the doodle poll he has filled out.

As he repeatedly clicked “yes” to every time slot of the non-anonymous poll, the thought briefly crossed his mind that other people looking at the poll may realize how pathetic his life has become. He considered intentionally saying he was unavailable for one or two time slots. “But then what if they want to meet at one of the times I said I couldn’t be there? Do I not go, even though I actually could? Or do I go anyway, saying my conflict cleared up?"

"Ugh, I should just say I’m available for all the times I actually am, which is every time slot, because there is literally nothing of interest going on my life besides this meeting I’m scheduling right now,” confirmed Troy, with the shrively, unconfident voice of someone who will never be successful in any of his endeavors, now or in the future.

Sources spotted Troy later that night, chanting "Toga" at a frat party. Just kidding, he was in his room doing nothing, like always.