CAMBRIDGE, MA—On January 25th Dean Rakesh Khurana reaffirmed his unwavering commitment to social progress by announcing his intention to create a committee to help advise the committee that is in charge of creating the committee that will tackle the problem of single gender social organizations (SGSOs) at Harvard.
Several SGSOs feel that they now have no choice but to open their doors to the entire student population. “We were in the clear before Khurana created this group,” says Fly Club President Aaron Burnstall. “But with this new advising thing we are totally fucked. That guy is always one step ahead of us.”
Much speculation has surrounded the head of Khurana’s new operation. Many experts suggest that Executive Vice President Katie Lapp will be appointed to a leadership role given her past success in advising the council that was appointed to offer insight into the development of a plan that would lay the groundwork for a team to start thinking about ways in which they could form a cohesive group of people that could take first steps towards creating new social spaces at Harvard. When asked for a comment, Lapp unhelpfully responded, “Holy shit there is a God! Please help me I have been trapped under Harvard College for months.”
By any measure, it seems Khurana has finally solved gender-related issues at Harvard. The newly appointed Dean of Deans will be holding a press conference on Monday to answer any questions that might still remain about the new committee.
