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Harvard Ecologist Maps Yard Link Migrations

Using aerial camera technology, ecologists studied link migration.

On Tuesday, Harvard ecologist Daniel Beterman completed a five-year study mapping the migration patterns of the string fencing in the yard. The study yielded some incredible findings.

“Using aerial camera technology, we found that the yard links form the shape of a large middle finger that, as the seasons progress, points at different freshman dorms,” said Beterman.

 “Freshmen are often frustrated because the shifts in the link patterns disrupt their walking routes. So, we don’t think this offensive pattern is a random occurrence.”

Unlike anything ecologists have seen in the wild, the study’s unnatural results surprised many students.

“I always thought that the yard links were pointless,” said Kane Cole ’16. “I mean, they are there to keep people off the grass, but they are so easy to step over. But now I guess, since they’re a pointing finger, they do have a point.”

While the middle finger formation is the most common shape, the study also found other link structures such as a veritaffle, a government 1310 exam, and a penis that shrinks as winter gets colder right before primal scream.

 As of now, no one knows exactly why the ropes make theses formations; but ecologists have determined that every formation is meant to poke fun at faculty, students or staff.

“I guess that’s one serious case of rope burn!” said Beterman, who doesn’t get out much except for when he is mapping the migration patterns of inanimate objects. “We don’t know why the links are so bitter about the school, but that mystery is just one more yard link in the chain.”

© 2012