and entering

HCFA and HFAC Merge, Become Shitty Speakers Club

Warped Logan Paul at Harvard Commencement
Logan Paul lectures on how to responsibly ingest Tide Pods

UNIVERSITY HALL, CAMBRIDGE—Unveiling the new plan before the Office of Student Life, Harvard College Faith in Action (HCFA) and Harvard Financial Analysts Club (HFAC) have concluded their merger into the Shitty Speakers Club.

HCFA and HFAC, despite having no similarities, have found common ground in their interest in inviting ill-advised speakers to campus. 

Some have called this move a flagrant evasion of the OSL sanctions against HCFA. Others disagree. “This is a natural alliance for our groups,” commented club spokesperson Matt C. Bradshaw '19. “Many know that Jesus drove out the money lenders, but few remember that it was in order to make room for Pontius Pilate’s criminal justice seminar.”

Former HFAC representative Martin Shkreli noted from prison: “On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.” 

Despite previous controversies, the SSC remains dedicated to its goals. It is the first and only student group to have a panel dedicated entirely to muttering about free speech and another panel set up to disavow the very speakers they invite. “We are, unfortunately, not taking applications from musical groups,” confirmed Bradshaw. “Our leadership is expected to be completely tone-deaf.” 

The reinvigorated board has already announced a series of speakers including Steve Bannon on the Experiences of Women of Color, Logan Paul on Social Media Responsibility, and an Evening of Comedy with The Lampoon.

© 2018