O fair citizens of Harvard Yard!
O munificent donors in woolen garb!
I am but a poor, mumps-ridden wretch, but today is a blessed day for me and all who congregate at this educational institution!

Gaze at the faire chair setup! Look upon the beauteous banners! Attune your ears to the lilting lutes on this luscious lawn! How sweet to be here on this morn!

Come one, come all! Rejoice in the festivities for our dearest, fearlessest leader!

Do not dawdle, make haste!

Halt sire- Pull out your ID card — are you a Harvard affiliate?

Though the day is faire and lyre song is drifting on the aire, I have seen many a downtrodden pupil passeth through these hallowed gates. Why do thou not rejoice in the name of Lawrence II?
Why, thou might inquire of me, is it a sanctified houre? The universitie is much-troubled, beset with lower-than-standarde endowement returns and a culture that foments crueltie and sexual misconducte!

Well, deare soul, a serfe like me cannot possiblie answer loftie queries such as you bringe! Those are systemic! You oft lowerie thou voice of thoust troubles, lest the administrationie set you in the stocks on this faire daie!

Insteade I shall cry, from my smalle perch, that Lawrence is our king! A gent who seems okay!

Wait, thou might respond (I am merely spitballinge here). Tho Lawrence mayhaps be okay, will he make the necessary systemic reformes?

Hmmmm, I might cry, still on my smalle perch, hard to say. On one hande, he really does seem fine. One the other hande — that one is boil-ridden from the plague of ‘53 — he has hath risen to the throne betwixt the High Council of the universitie and former reign of our fellow insitutie to the North. Our belovéd hath been birthéd of the systemie responsible per the regime we dutifully toil beneath. Shalt the serfes rise, and screamth for reparations (and mayhaps less gruel serverth in the cafetorium)? Or shalt we be satisfiéd by the new policies bestowed upon us? 

However, lest us not forgeteth why we admire our glorious Lord, the laudy Lawrence II Bacow! He bringeth with him the good fortune of the Cows, and thus much sustenance for the pitiful peasante! Winter arriveth, and our bellies must be satiatéd!

Thus, from my smalle perch, I proclaim to thou what I knowe to be True: Hear Ye, Hear Ye, this morn is the Coronation of Lawrence II!

Image Credit: The Harvard Crimson