CAMBRIDGE, MA — Area hero Alex E. Wilkins '20 has accomplished a remarkable feat: The Government concentrator managed to get through all of reading week without reading a single thing.

“There were a few times I came close to reading words,” said Wilkins, a legend in our midst. “On Wednesday, I absentmindedly picked up my Ec textbook. But my body reacted to the touch of an academic resource by immediately puking, alerting me to my mistake. It took me a good four episodes of The Office to calm down."

For the entire seven days of reading period, Wilkins, a badass, neglected to read a single book, article, set of notes, Tweet, poster, or food wrapper. Wilkins’ roommate, Daniel W. Venon '20, called him an inspiration: “I told him I was going to fail my Stat midterm tomorrow, and he said, ‘Oh same.’ But he actually meant it. What an icon."

One of Wilkins' professors, Greg Mankiw, added, “He’s a fucking idiot. Also, I don’t care.”

Wilkins did express a desire to turn his habits around. "From now on, I'm going to do exactly what the title of the week tells me to do," he said. "So I'm going to spend the entirety of Shopping Week shopping.”

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