CAMBRIDGE, MA—Last night, at approximately 1:30 AM EST, Billy P. Yates ’19 was frantically searching for the cherry of a headline to top off his Brain Break article. Thrilled to report on the seedy UC berry debate, his Adam’s apple quivered as he struggled to pick a sweet berry pun. 

 

"This is the last straw," the writer rasped. "I'd fight for this newspaper till I was black and blue, but trying to find a pun is boysening the article.”

 

Struggling with the definition of a berry in the first place, Yates wondered if botanical berries qualified in making a pun. “Botanically, bananas are berries,” considered Yates, “and so are grapes. What if I called Banannenberg Brain Break a grape success?” 

 

“Think, Billy! Think! You’ve gotta be smoothie with this one,” whimpered the writer. "I guess this stress stems from the pressure I've cold-pressed on myself, but I can't let it sour my creative juices."

 

Upon finally receiving the fruits of Yates's labor, his skeptical editor has announced that “ripe or wrong, we’ve still got to publish it.” 

 

At press time, Yates was found giggling maniacally as he hallucinated an attack by Canada geeseberries.