You order a black tea and instead are handed a latte, blueberry muffin, and a water bottle that someone left here a few weeks ago. Do you:
A) mutter thanks and avoid eye contact
B) assertively say “this isn’t what I asked for” and watch in glee as the barista’s soul leaves her body
You order a small coffee. What size is your coffee?
A) pretty small, I guess?
B) invisible, to the point where I am unsure if the barista heard me order an espresso and then decided to give me a drop of muddy water in a thimble
The entirety of the co-op is standing in front of you on line. How long do they take to order?
A) about ten minutes
B) longer than a Hum 10 lecture
You are told you can only pay with cash or crimson cash, but unfortunately all you’ve got is a credit card and board plus. Do you:
A) apologize and shuffle away
B) I swear to god if they don’t start accepting Venmo I will cut someone
The grad student union has taken over all the comfy red chairs. How long do you wait for them to leave so you can sit down?
A) no big deal, I’ll just find a table
B) I will stare at them uncomfortably until they get the goddamn message
What are the specials today?
A) coconut…matcha? Made from oat milk? Honestly I can’t really tell what that substance is
B) pissing me the fuck off
History 1039: “Power and Propaganda in the Ancient World” is holding office hours very very very loudly as you attempt to get work done. Do you:
A) Put in AirPods and try to ignore them
B) Transfer to Yale
A graduate student is breaking up with his boyfriend at the table next to you. Do you:
A) eavesdrop
B) eavesdrop
Mostly A’s…It’s confirmed: the service is bad.
Mostly B’s… Chill out. It’s just (terrible) coffee.