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Report: 80% of Students Half-Assed Title IX Training During Lecture

Students complete the Title IX training during class.

Cambridge MA – A report has found that a majority of Harvard students last week decided to complete their Title IX online training in the middle of their early morning classes. Classrooms all over campus were filled with brightly lit laptops displaying a scenic Harvard Yard backdrop overlaid with tips about how to access various resources related to sexual assault and harassment on campus, as students half-paid attention.

About four-fifths of undergraduates felt that the best time to complete the informative survey and quiz was in the middle of their 10am lecture course, with general education courses being especially common. “We were receiving a lecture on the importance of ritual and filial piety in Confucian ideology, and it totally reminded me I forgot to take the instructional course on the difference between sexual- and gender-based harassment,” said Stephen A. Ellison '17, who is currently enrolled in the Ethical Reasoning 18: Classical Chinese Philosophy and Political Theory. “I suppose everyone else in the room must have been thinking the same thing, an excellent example of the importance of staying mindful as illustrated in our course readings from The Analects.”

Many students were particularly resourceful in completing the mandatory training during class time, such as those enrolled in smaller seminars and tutorials. “Laptops are banned in my History 97 tutorial, so I had to absentmindedly click through the incredibly relevant and informative questionnaire discretely on my phone,” said Jonathan P. Redd '20. “It seemed like everyone else in the room had the same idea.”

As of press time, the same 80% of Harvard students were unable to tell the difference between CARE and OSAPR, as staffers in the Title IX office slammed their heads on the table.

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