SatireV

Breaking News

1.0mm Pencil Lead

Report: Most Shameful Moment of Life Telling HUDS Worker You Broke Dish

A student experiencing the most intense shame of her life after telling a HUDS worker she broke a dish.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study released by Harvard psychologists indicates that telling a HUDS worker that you broke a dish is unequivocally the most shameful moment of your life.
 
The study, published in Nature, confirms the basic instincts of just about every student who has ever dropped a plate and had to inform a busy dining hall worker that they have to sweep up broken glass in addition to doing their regular job.
 
"It's one thing if you break a dish at home," said Daniel Gilbert, one of the study's co-authors. "But it's another thing entirely when you break a dish in the dining hall and you have to (1) own up to being a total doofus and (2) force a HUDS employee to clean up after your mess. The shame levels are off the charts."
 
According to the study, other shame-inducing moments include: spilling soup all over the floor, asking whether there is any chipotle mayo "in the back," and attempting to order poached eggs from the grill.
 
"However," said Gilbert, "I'd like to stress that nothing comes close to the shame level of breaking your dish and then informing a HUDS worker that you 'are super sorry' but you 'have to go to class' and then running away."
 
At press time, Harvard psychologists announced their intentions to study the compounding shame-generating effects of breaking a dish and being Irish Catholic.
© 2017
Category: