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Student Going Home for Spring Break Plans All-Out Banger in Suburban New Jersey

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The most lit spring break destination of the season!
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Senior Mallory L. Johnson '18 is planning an all-out banger of a spring break at her family's two-bedroom apartment in the suburban New Jersey town of Marlboro.
"A lot of people I know are going skiing in the Alps or on a tropical vacation, but things can get pretty crazy right here in Marlboro," said Johnson. "Why, just last week the local diner announced that the early bird special now includes an entree, soup, and the salad bar!"
The trip will include all the hallmarks of this classic college trend: day drinking (at a dive bar with sad old people), hanging out with friends (at the T.G.I. Friday's in the mall for half-price apps), raging (at your family members), and drugs (mostly ibuprofen)!
"If I'm feeling particularly edgy," added Johnson, "I might venture out to the high school and see some of my old teachers. I heard Mr. Simmons is still selling weed to students!"
Although Johnson is saving up to move out of Marlboro upon graduating, she decided to splurge and spend one day of her spring break in glamorous New York City, generally milling about and probably going to the M&M Store.
"It's about the journey, not the destination," said Johnson. "That's why I'm mostly excited about paying only $30 round-trip to ride the Greyhound bus with a half-dozen other people on a random weekend in March!"
At press time, Johnson told reporters she is already looking forward to a wild graduation party at the Marlboro VFW chapter.
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