SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Tragic: This Girl Said Hi to Someone at the Science Center Before Realizing They Were Both Going to Dunster

Walking
Samuels and Garcia have absolutely nothing to say to each other.
CAMBRIDGE, MASS. – After saying hi to Larry T. Samuels '18 on the Science Center Plaza today, Lara R. Garcia '18 was struck by the horrible realization that they were both going to Dunster.

Garcia knew that she was doomed moments after she asked, "Where are you headed?" The 13-minute, 0.6-mile walk from the Science Center to Dunster takes roughly 12 minutes longer than the amount of time Samuels and Garcia have ever spent together and is about 0.5 miles farther than the amount of space they have ever walked together.
 
Samuels and Garcia, who met over three years ago through FAP, are still not entirely sure what each other's names are. "I was considering not even waving to him," said Garcia, who had been planning to call her mom on her walk. "But then I was like, 'Lara, it won't kill you to wave.' I was so wrong."

By the time they reached Thayer, Samuels and Garcia had already covered the fact that it was cold, the fact that it was midterm season, the fact that Samuels went to Cabo over spring break, the fact that Samuels did not go to Cabo over spring break, the fact that it was no longer spring break, the fact that Samuels was going to Dunster to have a late lunch, and the fact that Garcia was going to Dunster to do a group project.

Around University Hall, Samuels was overheard saying, "It's been really cold lately. I thought it would be warmer by April, you know?"

They had already talked about that. "Yeah," Garcia reportedly responded. "It's definitely been really cold."

As the duo approached Boylston, Garcia decided that she could not take it anymore. "I just remembered I have to print something in Lamont," she said as she hurried towards Tercentenary Theatre. She did not have anything to print in Lamont.
 
Image credit: presby.edu
© 2018
Category: