CAMBRIDGE, MA - As September quickly approaches, many Harvard students are beginning to return from their summers abroad and eagerly anticipate complaining about Cambridge’s tourists.

“Oh my God, they are everywhere,” nagged Dunster Sophomore Trisha Lott, whose Facebook sports a profile picture of a mid-air jump in front of Madrid’s Palacio Real. “I’m just trying to walk to class without having to slightly divert my path.”

“I don’t mean to sound racist,” added Lott’s blockmate, Helen Wang, “but they are like, always Asian. I was so happy to escape it all when I studied architecture with Harvard Summer School in Paris.” She declined further comment as she diverted her attention to help translate Russell House’s dinner menu to her first-generation Chinese immigrant parents, Yi and JianJian.

“I feel like we should just set up an ID check at the gates, you know? Just keep them all out. They don’t belong here,” declared William Simmons, super-senior in Currier. “I didn’t have to divert a single step when I visited the Leaning Tower in Pisa. I even got a selfie that made me look like I was leaning on it  – why should I have to change my route because tourists want to touch the foot that gifted students spitefully urinate on? It's actually infuriating.”

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