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Winter Weather Update: FAS Open During Apocalypse

Proceed with caution on your way to class, as the University will remain open today.
Dear Members of the Harvard Community,
 
Harvard University has been closely monitoring the progress of the winter weather event that is expected to arrive later tonight. We are expecting 2-4 inches of snow, and a more difficult than usual commute.
 
The University will remain open for normal operations tomorrow.
 
Make sure to check the Harvard Emergency page for updates.
 
9:22pm:
 
Harvard University has been closely monitoring the progress of the winter weather event that is expected to arrive later tonight. We are now expecting 6-10 inches of snow, and wind gusts up to 50 mph. 
 
The University will remain open for normal operations tomorrow.
 
11:19pm:
 
We are now expecting two feet of snow, in addition to the foot of snow that has already fallen, and are expecting the hailstorms to pick up over the next few hours. Safety of staff and faculty is paramount, so please stay indoors and away from windows.
 
The University will remain open for normal operations tomorrow.
 
2:34am:
 
We are now expecting the three feet of snow to be washed away by coastal flooding from an offshore seismic event. Please stay away from ground level, and check Canvas for classroom location changes as well as information about water shuttles, as The University will remain open for normal operations today.
 
5:48am:
 
The hail storm has become tinged with blood, and a gargantuan sea abomination has been spotted in Boston harbor. Please use caution as you go to class, because The University will remain open for normal operations today.
 
7:52am:
 
Harvard University has been closely monitoring reports of the dead risen from the ground in nearby cemeteries. Baseball bats and frying pans can be borrowed from Yard Ops or your building manager's office to fend off the zombies on your way around the university, which will remain open for normal operations today.
 
8:45am:
 
We understand that some community members have been raptured. Please be in contact with your supervisor if this is the case. The University will remain open for normal operations today.
 
9:50am:
 
Harvard University has been closely tracking the meteor on course to land in the middle of tercentenary theater. Please avoid the area, and note that the front entrance to Widener library will be temporarily closed. Freshman are advised to take extra precaution around their dorms. The University will remain open for normal operations today.
 
12:00pm:
 
We have been notified that a squirrel has ruthlessly attacked President Larry Bacow on his walk to work this morning. Due to this drastic event, we are notifying all students and FAS staff that the University will not be in operation today. Please remain in your homes and take extra precautions around any Sciurus carolinensis in your area. Again, the University will be closed today, please await updates regarding tomorrow's status.
 
Sincerely,
Leslie A. Kirwan
© 2019
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