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Breaking

and entering

Winthrop Renovations Release Evil Demons From Netherworld

Winthrop Demon
"We are very concerned about the impending demonic hellscape," read an email to the student body.
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Spacious common rooms and asbestos-free walls may be a few months away, but the impacts of house renewal are already being felt in Winthrop, as renovations have transformed the site of Gore and Standish Halls into a portal to a demonic hellscape in another dimension.
 
"At first, we assumed the gurgling sounds and spurts of viscous, jet-black liquid were roaches laying eggs in the plumbing, same as always," reported Steve Needham, the university's senior director of Planning and Project Management. "But then we heard the terrible groaning sound of a million dreams dying, and a voice harsh beyond description screaming, 'Bow before Xoltar, puny mortals!' and we knew something fishy was going on."
 
Needham's statement suddenly came to a halt, as he transmogrified into glass, onyx, and finally vapor in a span of nanoseconds. Other observers, however, have noted trees melting from the inside out, screams that turn one's ears to ash, and no swipe restrictions in Lowell dining hall, all of which are signs that Cthulhu's arrival is nigh.
 
To counter this worrying trend, Harvard's administration encourages students to nominate themselves or peers to the Black Spirits Implementation Committee.
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