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You Think I Give A Flying Fuck About Your Mental Health?

Laughing adults
Aw, how cute! You sent us a painstakingly crafted letter about self-betterment and expected us to read it!

Dear Harvard Community, 

It has come to our attention that current policy requiring gap years for those who are not in good academic standing has fallen under scrutiny. We have considered these several reports in addition to plentiful feedback from students. The Ad Board has convened to determine the best path forward. By unanimous vote, the Ad Board has determined the best policy is not to give a Single Flying Fuck about your mental health.

Although we understand that some people who are not meeting our stringent academic standard might be struggling with mental health conditions, and may not be an utter fucking idiot, but to reiterate: we do not give a fuck. Those who fail to meet academic requirements do so on their own accord, and the highly pressurized academic environment we have tossed you into without a safety net is besides the point. You did accept the admission offer, after all. 

Concerning students whose families will not support them while they are forced to take a gap year, the student should really have thought of that before they got a mental illness. Seriously, you were admitted to Harvard, you should've considered this before hand. And honestly people take gap years all the time, just say you’re working at a start-up or something. Again, our policy is that We Do Not Give a Fuck, and really we think it will work out fine.

Our best advice for those students who are struggling mentally is to make an appointment with CAMHS. Please do consider that all CAMHS therapists are booked for the next 4-9 months. If you did not already know this, it is probably because you are not meeting academic standards, and need to apply yourself a bit more. We would suggest camping out in a tent near the Smith Center, but the newly installed anti-homeless infrastructure would prevent that. Just figure it out. We Do Not Give a Fuck, after all. 

For these reasons, we recommend seeking help outside of CAMHS. If your personal doctor has diagnosed you with clinical depression and/or crippling panic attacks, we may allot you 0.111 fucks. These fucks will be applied to your Crimson Cash account, and will be utterly useless. We take threats to Harvard's public image seriously, and our lack of fucks will be adjusted accordingly.

For questions, please email IDontGiveAFuck@fas.harvard.edu

 

Sincerely,

The Ad Board

© 2019
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